Water Your Own Grass!!!

We all go through high points and low points in life. We all go through periods of struggle and periods of strength.

This past year has been a period of growth for me. Last year, my husband undertook the task of attaining a Master's Degree. He completed a 2-year program in less than one year. He was gone a lot. Which meant, I was left alone to attend to the needs of our two young daughters, ages 1 and 3 at the time.

The first few months were overwhelming. I am a young mom and trying to navigate the uncharted waters of discipline and parenting alone was difficult. I struggled. I yelled. I cried. I changed.


As the months passed, I became comfortable in my new-found role of "single" mom. I figured out what types of discipline worked for me and my very strong-willed three year old. I felt on top of the world when I realized that I had survived on my own while my husband completed a three month internship on the other side of the country.

I knew I was stronger. I was a better mom, a better wife, a better person.

The diploma arrived in the mail.


We had done it. Together. Him studying, me mommying. Then the day came, after months of prayer and countless job applications, that he got his first interview. Surprisingly, he only had 3. The first one turned into a job offer, which he accepted.

We had to move. Again.

Initially, I was okay. After all, I had survived an entire year of parenting alone, I could handle moving again.

And then we moved.

It's been nearly five months and I have really had a hard time. I have tried to go through the motions of following a routine and sticking to a schedule. Slowly, my habits that brought me strength have fallen apart.

A few days ago, I saw a quote that my mother used to say, "When the grass looks greener on the other side of the fence, try watering your own lawn!"

And it hit me. I have been spending so much time focusing on what I HAD instead of what I HAVE.

Suddenly, I realized that I haven't lost anything. Is my apartment smaller and less convenient than the house I was living in? Yes. Am I further from my own family members? Yes. Do I have to find a way to make myself comfortable in new surroundings? Yes.

But we will not live in this cramped little apartment for forever. My family members are as close as a phone call away and I CAN make myself comfortable in new surroundings. I know I can. I have done it before. And I will do it again.

My yard may have started to yellow slightly, but I am watering it again. I will find enough "water" to keep it healthy. And pretty soon, I bet my new lawn will be just as green as my previous one was!

Of course it helps that my last lawn had desert landscaping. :)

Daughters in my Kingdom: Chapter 2

One of the headings in this chapter is "Early Excitement about Relief Society."

After writing this post, I was glancing back through the pages of the chapter to make sure I had covered everything I wanted to, and this heading stood out to me — so much so that I deleted all of my previous post and am completely changing the direction of my thoughts.

I have been a member of the Relief Society now for more than 10 years. (Yup, I just revealed my age, sort of.) I have a confession to make: my excitement towards Relief Society is not what it should be (and that's putting it nicely).

I have struggled with the idea of a group of sisters. Maybe because I don't have any biological sisters of my own and so I don't know what it really means to be a part of a group of women who treat each other like sisters would (what exactly does that look like anyway?). Or maybe because in the 10 years I have been a part of the Relief Society, I have never felt like I was a part of the Relief Society.

I have struggled with these emotions for years. I have talked to Nick about them on many occasions.

I have been in 7 or 8 different wards since I turned 18 and I can count on less than one hand the number of friends I have made as a result of being in Relief Society.

It hurts. Nick has questioned my lack of friendship at times and made comments about how I should be more friendly and outgoing.

While I admit I can improve in this area, it really stinks to sit down next to a sister in a new ward, introduce yourself and then have them just sit and pretend you aren't there.

It really stinks when you offer to bring another woman dinner when she is sick or has recently had a baby only to be turned down.

It stings when you invite another young mother over for a play date to be rejected.

It hurts when you finally start to feel like you have a friend in a ward when that sister suddenly stops responding to your phone calls for weeks on end.

It cuts like a knife when your visiting teaching companion refuses to let you accompany her on your visits and goes herself without telling you.

Maybe it's me. Maybe I just don't know how to have a friend. Maybe I don't belong in Relief Society and that's why I always end up in Primary callings instead. Maybe I am just not good enough to deserve a real, true sister.

And then I remember that "the worth of a soul is great in the sight of God."

And that means my soul, too.

So, whatever the reason is, I may not belong yet. But I keep trying.

I still offer to bring dinners. I still invite other moms to come play. I still try.

If others refuse to accept my kindness, then at least I know I did my part.

I am far from perfect. I see my own flaws more than others do. I know they are there. I am working to make them strengths. But until they are, I know that my Heavenly Father loves me.

And maybe, just maybe, one day someone else will be able to look past them and deem me worthy to be her sister too.

Chocolate Lover

Somebody at our house loves chocolate and will find it if it's anywhere in the house.

See?


She had it everywhere! Even on her adorable little toes!


The best part of the whole thing was how she kept looking at herself in the mirror instead of looking at me.


I am thinking she thought the chocolate beard was pretty cute.


And it was.

Love is in the Air

Valentine's Decor is finally up at my house. Some from last year and some new I just finished this week. It may not be extravagant or fancy, but it makes me happy.

wire hanger wrapped in fluffy yarn

All Girl

Just thought I would share a few quick little stories/pictures for all of my family back in AZ that we miss so much!!

Annalie is really into having "pretty" hair. I found this idea on Pinterest. (I know, I know, I'm hooked too, but it really has been helpful in more ways than you can imagine. I will have to make a Pinterest post later.) It is one of her favorite new 'do's.


She also keeps taking random clothes from my closet (or hers) and trying to make herself a "married dress." We were talking about it one day and she saw my wedding picture on the piano and asked if I still had my "married dress." So I pulled it out to show her. Next thing I knew, she was in it. :)


This is Brooklyn's current favorite place to play. I have found her here 3 times today. I think it's hilarious and I am loving every minute of watching her grow.


And of course, she wants to be just like her sister, so when mommy takes time to experiment with big sister's hair, little sister has to have pretty hair too. This day, Annalie had "curly hair" from braids. Thankfully, Brooklyn's has some natural wave to it and hers is easier to curl. Just add a little gel and ta-da!!

Soothing the Ebb and Flow

UG!

I know life has its ups and downs. High points and low points come naturally with our experiences. We each live through moments of elation and moments when we near despair.

Thankfully, I learned from Marilla Cuthbert that "To despair is to turn your back on God." (Remember this, we will come back to it in a few minutes.)

Unfortunately, I have been going down one of those slopes on the roller-coaster that is life. I could not have imagined that leaving our little home in Arizona when Nick graduated and got his first "real" job post grad-school would be an event of such emotional struggle for me.

I mean, seriously! IF we had to move, this is the place we would have chosen to move! AND to top it off, we have family nearby. IT SHOULDN'T BE SUCH A STINKING BIG DEAL.

And yet, here I am. Sitting on the bed in my room, listening to EFY songs after trying to take a nice, long hot shower with no luck.

(Can I just rant for a minute about how much I HATE our shower?? The hot water lasts about 30 seconds at a time. So, you turn it up. Another 30 seconds. Turn it up a little more. Another 30 seconds. Five minutes in, you're practically fighting to get out because the water is now tepid at best. To me, there is not much in this world that is more calming than a nice, long, HOT shower. Sitting in the dark with that cascade of steaming water washing all of your worries down the drain. *sigh*)

And, since our shower didn't work, I had to get rid of all these silly womanly emotions somewhere else, so all you lucky {6} people who like to glance at my blog get to read about them instead.

Anywho - you know, it's just been rough. I am one who likes to have everything in my control. Yup, I am a "type A" personality. Maybe it's the oldest child syndrome, or maybe it comes from being the only girl, or maybe it's just part of who I am and has nothing to do with where I came from. Regardless, the rug has been pulled out from under me.

I had all of Brooklyn's therapy and specialists figured out. Now, we are starting over. We are at -maybe not point "A'- but certainly no further than point E or F. I have so much to get figured out. New doctors, new specialists, new therapists. And right now we are working with therapists who are my age and have less experience than I do. (ok, I am not sure if that's true or not, but I am used to a "come-in-and-take-charge" kind of therapist and now they come in and watch while I try to get Brooklyn to participate in a fine-motor type activity. Not to mention that they are trying to dismiss her from physical therapy which is throwing me off, but that's another post in itself.) Needless to say, I am frustrated.

I am in a new neighborhood again. Making friends is hard enough for me. Keeping them is a whole other ballgame completely. I ask Nick frequently if I really smell "that bad" because honestly, it's been a long time since I felt like I had a real friend that I could call with anything, anytime.

I have let our routine crumble. I know that I need to get it together and just pick up and get moving again. Sometimes it's easier said than done.

Then I see other people whose hard times are so much more than my "hard times." And then my guilt complex flares up wickedly and I am nearly consumed by the burning it creates within me.

But lucky for me, I also have the luxury of seeing amazing and uplifting things via the internet as well.

Take for example this one. I was lucky enough to have met this beautiful and wonderful young woman myself. Although I did not know her well, I was blessed to have seen her influence work miracles and remind others of the goodness this life has to offer.

And, of course, I can't find the link for the post that I really wanted to share, but oh well, I will share it when I find it.

Back to Marilla Cuthbert. In the movie (I know, I know, I need to read the books) "Anne of Green Gables" she says to Anne "To despair is to turn your back on God."

As hard as things are right now for me personally, I know that I will come through this stronger. I may not understand it all right now, but I will hang on to what I do know. And I will use that to get through.



AND, just like when we moved to Arizona, I will be able to look back on this experience and see the growth that occurred in me because of the struggles I went through. And maybe, just maybe, someday I will be lucky enough to be able to help someone get through their struggles because I made it through mine.

P.S. Thank you Pinterest for allowing me to see this. It is truthful and uplifting.

And just because the teacher is quiet during the test, doesn't mean He isn't there watching over you silently cheering you on.

Source: Uploaded by user via The Dating Divas on Pinterest

She Turned F-O-U-R

I can't believe we went from this:


to this:

SO STINKING FAST!!!

Annalie wanted a pink snowman cake for her birthday. Let's just say it didn't turn out the way we had hoped.


Remember, my domestic skills are still under construction.


It tasted good though.


Oh well. I did a pretty good salvage job and she picked the sprinkles, so she was happy.


Then came presents.


Nick's family does "Heavy Heavy Hangover" at every birthday.


She got new accessories for her doll house (laundry room: because every good mom always has laundry to do, and a minivan). She was thrilled.


Grandma made sure that Brooklyn had something to open too. So sweet.


Blackmail photos from behind the scenes:



The aftermath.


Annalie also got a super-cute new dress that Nana made for her (she has worn it 3 times already). Daddy gave her a new game to play since she told me that's her favorite thing to do. Me, being the silly-teacher-mom that I am, found her an amazingly awesome leapfrog toy that helps her practice writing her letters the right way. (I'm telling you, it's cool!) And Brooklyn gave Annalie "Pinkalicious" and a pink bathrobe to go with it.

So funny: I asked Annalie if she liked the book Grandma read to her and she said no. "Because the little girl was naughty and ate the cupcakes when her mommy and daddy told her not to. And her consequence was to turn pink and red. THEN she had to eat green food to get back to normal." HA!

Freeze!

I can't believe I am writing this post. I knew this day would come, I just never thought it would come so fast.

Four years ago right now, I was just getting ready to go to the hospital, in labor with my first baby. With the baby that helped me realize my life's dream: I became a mother.

And now, here I sit, reviewing her answers to the birthday interview questions I asked her and I am thrilled and proud of the answers she gave. I know they will change over time, but for right now, I wish time would freeze and just let me bask in who she is right now.

1. What is your favorite color? Pink
2. What is your favorite food? Blueberries
3. What is your favorite show? Rapunzel
4. What is your favorite toy? My microphone (like Sid the Science Kid)
5. What is your favorite fruit? Celery, no broccoli
6. What is your favorite thing to eat for lunch? Corn on the cob
7. What is your favorite outfit? Jammies
8. What is your favorite game? Hide-and-seek and Peek-a-boo
9. What is your favorite snack? Goldfish
10. What is your favorite animal? Dakota
11. What is your favorite song? "I Love to Read the Holy Scriptures"
12. What is your favorite book? The Scriptures
13. Who is your best friend? Hayley and Cousin Sara
14. What is your favorite cereal? Cheerios
15. What is your favorite thing to do outside? Play football
16. What is your favorite drink? Strawberry milk
17. What is your favorite holiday? Christmas
18. What is your favorite thing to eat for breakfast? Sandwiches
19. What do you want for your birthday dinner? Cake
20. What do you want to be when you grow up? A mommy
21. What is your favorite thing to do? Play with my dad
22. What is your least favorite food? Steak
23. What is your favorite thing to do with your mom? Have pickles
24. What is your favorite sport? Football and basketball
25. How old are your mommy and daddy? Mom: 23 Dad: 24

I asked her most of these questions last week on two separate occasions, just to make sure I got her real answer. Surprisingly, she only changed one! And that was her favorite show. Her original response was "Rapunzel" and the second time it changed to "Clifford."

I am so proud of the little girl she is growing into. As much as I wish she could stay little, I am loving watching her grow up!


I will post all of the fun birthday pictures on the next post! For now, I am just going to enjoy spending tomorrow with my girly!

Daughters in my Kingdom: Chapter 1

The thing I liked most about this chapter was reviewing stories of the women of the Church from the past. This chapter revealed insights into some of these stories that I didn't even know were there!

Something that really hit me in this chapter is that women tend to play a "smaller" role than men, and yet it is equally important. The story told of Tabitha (Dorcas) is one that I found to be beautiful. Her story is found in the book of Acts. It says in part, "...this woman was full of good works and almsdeeds which she did... And it came to pass in those days, that she was sick, and died. ...Then Peter arose and went with them. When he was come, ...all the widows stood by him weeping, and shewing the coats and garments which Dorcas made, while she was with them."


Now, I may not hold a "high-ranking" position within the organization of my church. In fact, I teach the 3 year olds (which is pretty important in my book, but that's another post!). But I don't need to hold a "title" aside from that of "woman."

This woman wasn't an official in the church during her time, either, but she was able to impact many. Remember, it said, "ALL the widows stood by him weeping, and shewing the coats and garments which Dorcas made while she was with them." How powerful is that?!

She served those around her by making them clothing.

I wish I had more that I could give. I do. But I do my best to give of what I have. And I admit, there are times when I have the best intentions that fall through. I am not perfect. But I try. I try to help those around me as best as I can.

I consider myself lucky to be a part of an organization that was patterned after the way things were in Christ's time. In the preface, Emma Smith is quoted as saying, "We are going to do something extraordinary."

And I think in a simple way, we are.

We do our best with what we have.

I think our role as women within the church is often looked down upon as less than that of the men in our church.

I think too often, we let ourselves feel less than we really are.

We are capable of making a large impact by doing small things. We don't have to be anything aside from what we are. We have been given divine gifts and privileges because we are Daughters in His Kingdom.

President Uchtdorf has reminded us of our potential here and here. He says in part:

The fourth key relationship is with ourselves. It may seem odd to think of having a relationship with ourselves, but we do. Some people can’t get along with themselves. They criticize and belittle themselves all day long until they begin to hate themselves. May I suggest that you reduce the rush and take a little extra time to get to know yourself better. Walk in nature, watch a sunrise, enjoy God’s creations, ponder the truths of the restored gospel, and find out what they mean for you personally. Learn to see yourself as Heavenly Father sees you—as His precious daughter or son with divine potential.

I. Love. That.

You know, it sounds silly, but just in watching movies with my girls, I have found similar reminders. In the movie, "The Lion King" Simba is struggling with his past. When his father, Mufasa, appears to him in a vision of sorts, Mufasa says to his son, "You have forgotten me." Simba quickly denies this and Mufasa responds by saying, "You have forgotten who you are and so have forgotten me." If you can't recall the scene, you can see it the scene here (start at 6 minutes).

When we forget our own potential, we too, have forgotten our Father.

Mufasa continues by saying, "Remember who you are. You are my son [daughter]."

When we remember who we really are, it is easier to live up to our full potential as His daughters.

Wise Men (and Women) Still Seek HIM

I know, I know – the Christmas season is over, but this movie keeps coming back to my mind, over and over and over again. I love it.



The more and more I think about it, the more I realize that wise men (and women) continue to seek the star, to seek to follow the Savior, even after the lights have come down and the ornaments have been put away. Long after the wrapping paper has been recycled and the leftovers eaten up, wise people keep on searching for opportunities to share the love of the Son of God.

We keep on searching for moments to bring the true meaning of everything into our own lives as well as the lives of others.

I would like to share an opportunity to have "moments" together. A few months ago, my church put out a book for the women titled "Daughters in My Kingdom." I was so excited to get my copy and I quickly opened it up and was thrilled with the titles of the chapters. I am sad to say that I have not opened it since then.

And so, I propose that we, as wise women, will gather together - whether with a group of wise women in your own area, or by sharing your thoughts through blogging - will study one chapter at a time and then discuss that chapter on the second Saturday of each month.

There are 10 chapters, and I know how crazy things get at the end of the year with holidays and family gatherings, so it works out great that we will be finishing up in October! I invite any and all who would like to join in, to pass the word along. This Saturday, January 14th will be our first online "study group." I am going to figure out how to link up between now and then, so that you can all share your thoughts from Chapter 1 as well.

After all,

Anyone who wants to join in feel free to let me know! And a HUGE thanks to my cousin's awesome wife who designed the button for our study group. If you would like to, you are welcome to add the button to your blog as well! Let's spread the word and join in as sister, as wise women, as Daughters of God.